Dougherty

If (Assuming) this addiction/tendency was passed down from one generation to the next, it's ridiculous to think the earlier generations could just slough it off, just chalk it up to a fun, nearly necessary vice. The whole problem with it is one can't just ignore its side effects. They are completely overwhelming and overpowering. In the hours and days after I have managed somehow to forget about the concept of consequences, I suffer unlike any other kind of suffering I can imagine. In fact, I have lived much of my life in reaction to that suffering, making all sorts of decisions and life changes revolving around my great plan never to experience that again. I don't know if my suffering threshold would rise if I had worse things befall me, resulting in having these things not affecting me so deeply

anymore. As I age I tend to think more and more that I am the main protagonist in putting myself into a position of suffering. It is in the decisions I make, either out of weakness or foolishness.

Here is a long list I made of the effects of my vice of choice. I was shocked at how readily this list kept emerging from my pen. There's more where this came from. These encompass both the current and future, as well as negative and positive results of either continuing or ceasing my self destructive choices.

Fat/Out of shape

Tooth decay/Difficulty eating

Itchiness/Beautiful skin

Overly frequent cleansing/More time to enjoy life

Foot and joint problems/Enjoy movement and exercise

Eat crappy stuff that's tasty/Eat healthy stuff that's tastier

Wired and unpredictable moods/Peaceful and in touch with my authentic self

Die younger/Stay healthy (and alive) longer

Know my grand- and great grandchildren

Better sex

More journaling, know myself better

Keep my cello playing up

Save money on medical care

Be light

Compare favorably to other men and humans

Good breath

Better sleep

Not enslaved by my addictions

Not the defining aspect of my life and existence

Be a better listener, not busy listening to my inner mantra repeating its cravings ad nauseam

Less sense of regret