remember

Using this system to register my thoughts and feelings seems to be helping, thus far. Last night I had a potential temptation overcome. All I had to do was remember this feeling I have right now. It's like my blood pressure is affected. It's like the response I am looking for from the vice is either negated or satiated. I'm not sure which one. I thought it was satiated, but now I'm thinking it could go either way. But satiated is probably the more compelling.

I suppose it's a little bit deeper than buying shoes. Depth is what we're looking for. You need equal or greater depth to the vice. That's always been the problem. You would think ice cream isn't exactly about depth, but somehow it is. And ice cream is like a friend that never questions you. Perhaps it is also something instilled at a pure, innocent time in your life. But now I've come to learn that it is quite evil and impure. So that's why I'm looking for a replacement.

So instead of ice cream and the like, I am using my own wits to find peace. My own tactics. What else can I do? Certainly it doesn't work to wait for someone or something to come and save me. Writing is such an ancient human meditative practice. Maybe writing is good for me because I have a tendency to overthink. Writing is kind of overthinking's bedfellow. It completes the circle (that thinking begins).

I haven't practiced the cello for at least 24 hours. Maybe a break was in order. I'm a bit flummoxed about the choice of cellos. I will keep it an open question. I guess my last thought was to bring the larger model back with me for the first trip in the winter, giving myself the option then. If the smaller cello seems like it would work, then I would be comfortable saving the airfare on subsequent trips home. See how interesting writing is? I hadn't even thought of the cellos in terms of size until I just wrote it down! Writing rocks. I guess the 12 year old cello simply sounds smaller, in a sense. It may be more laser-like due to its size.